So much has happened.
I loved Keith very much, and it didn't work out because I lost faith in him when he didn't follow through on his promises. A man's words and actions should match. If a man says he wants to be with you, but he doesn't make room in his life for you, then he is confused and immature at best. At worst, he is lying. Either way, he won't make you happy! I walked away from that situation with a heavy heart, but I didn't regret leaving.
On New Year's Day, Keith contacted me and said it was imperative he see me. I refused for days, but eventually agreed to speak with him in person. I was shocked by what he said: He takes responsibility for everything that went wrong before. He realizes he drove me away, and bitterly regrets it. Now he wants to follow through on all the promises he made more than a year ago. Now he wants to live with me, marry me, have a family, cheer each other on in good times, support each other in bad times, and grow old (and laugh about it!) together. Now he wants these things.
I liked hearing him take responsibility. I loved hearing him say everything I wanted to hear six months ago, but I don't yet trust it. I said, "Prove it." I told him to live the kind of life is conducive to a happy relationship. He had blamed a lot of our problems on his job and his housing situation. So I pointed out that if he wanted things to be different and better, he'd need to get a new job and move. And then I went even further: I told him that I hadn't been happy socializing almost exclusively in loud, smoky bars, and I wouldn't be willing to do that anymore in the future. We're not in college anymore, and I'd rather socialize somewhere cleaner and more conducive to conversation. And I'd missed Keith, but not his cigarette smoke, so I told him I was no longer interested in dating a smoker. Finally, I told him that if he really wants to marry me, he doesn't just need to win me back--he needs to win my family over, too.
When I said these things to him, I didn't intend to get back together, and I didn't think he'd actually do any of this for me. I only wanted to remind him of all the reasons our relationship hadn't worked out. I thought he'd listen and leave, and then I wouldn't hear from him again.
But he said, "I've wanted to do those things anyway, and I'm going to do them now. I don't know why I've waited so long." Hmm... The next day, Keith contacted a recruiter and told his landlady he'll be moving out in March. Now he's interviewing for new jobs. He hasn't had a cigarette in 13 days. He's come to see me almost every day, and last Saturday he took my parents out for dinner. I'm still skeptical, but I'm becoming more optimistic. We spent a very sweet weekend together watching Gosford Park, playing Scrabble, and introducing his Pomeranians to my cat. I'm proud of myself for holding out for what I really want. I'm not ready to make any big decisions yet, but the changes Keith is making are very attractive. Stay tuned.
|OK, so we actually watched Gosford Park, played Scrabble, |
wrangled the pets, and took cutesy pictures.