The alleged Depp spread is a column-bedecked faux plantation, built in 2001. It's full of cookie cutter let's-pretend-it's-antique stuff that my mom would love (HI MOM! I LOVE YOU!), in tasteful neutrals, with absolutely no personality. Seriously, if you scroll down really really fast, these pictures are a brown blur that kind of looks like mashed potatoes and gravy. Do it. It's funny.
|Welcome to Fake Tara, built in 2001! Fake slaves not included, you jerk. Check the MLS listing. Jeez.|
|Why yes, there was a sale on faux Louis XV armchairs at Costco! How did you ever guess?|
|Someone's been shopping at Books By the Foot. And I think my grandma had that rug. In 1996.|
|ARE WE SERIOUS? Someone honestly thought it was oh-so-clever to make a bar shaped like a giant bottle cap?|
Because people drink beer at bars. And beer comes in bottles. And bottles have caps. OH, THE WIT!
Mr. Depp, you have your work cut out for you.
When you're ready to redecorate that library, let me know.
I'll be glad to help.